Allergic Reaction アレルギー反応


On the first Tuesday of November after Halloween, I was painting by myself all day in my room without any interruption.


Don’t think about it… Don’t think about it…


As I was told by a thick-skinned teddy bear on Halloween night, I spread and painted colors on canvas, first by consciously keep myself from thinking, then gradually by naturally going with flow and random ideas.


It was a wonder though, it surely felt going well when I don’t think about it.


If thinking is not conducted properly and carefully, my thought finds a warrant to prevent me from proceeding to something concrete, and forcibly lock me in a meeting room where an agenda isn’t clear.


In the meeting room, multiple numbers of myself with various egos sits around and discuss worries I have.


Planning everything, doing everything as planned, completeing something as it is initially planned is extremely difficult, perhaps, impossible.


It became night time, and I laid down on the counch in the living room alone.


For some reasons, my body had a feeling of strangeness, I couldn’t relax my muscles, my heart beat felt eerily fresh and louder than usual, and arms and legs were slightly numb.


I was asleep on the couch before I knew it.


And there was a feeling of strangeness on my right eyelid.


I remembered hearing a mosquito buzzing around my ear so thought it bit my eyelid.


When I went to the bathroom and looked at my face on the mirror, my right eyelid was swelling as suspected, and as if being discovered by me was a sign, it started growing bigger like a living matter,brazenlyleaned on the eyelashes without modesty and halved my right sight.


I thought I was going to go to school the next morning as usual because I had experienced an allergic reaction by raw fish on the same eyelid half a year ago, and it politelly went away overnight after I took medicines and iceing.


But this time, the swelling kingly, meanly and relentlessly stayed on my eyelashes as if it held my weak point.


Right after I swallowed 2 pink allergy medicine my roommate gave me, I felt my brain hebetated and my body got heavier clearly.


When I laid down on the bed, my body got heavier in an obvious manner, my arms and legs started numb, and I ended up sleeping without turning off the light, buried under the freshly washed laundry.


Although I swiftly fell asleep, the sleep brought by drugs wasn’t comfortable, and felt like I heard a mosquito flying.


When I looked at the mirror in the morning, the swelling on my right eyelid looked far from the condition I could go to school. 


The annoying feeling was like when someone I’m not interested in at all liked me despite my prediction, and it felt very unfair the time I woke up was plentily early enough to go to class on time. I’m always late for this class.


But reluctantly I went to a liqur store next door to buy allergy medicines and iced my right eye with a mysterious lumpy tropical fruit found in the freezer.


The iciness coming down from the dead tropical fruit was severe and no joke, and it penetrated my eyelid, wrapped around my eyeball and finally reached my brain.


How many hours would I have to be like this?


My plans were ignored in silence by the swelling as the tropical fruit gradually melted and became mushy on my eye in the room temperature.


Plans go wrong.


Pink allergy medicines shooke up the time and made the shape of time more ambiguous than usual, and the messy time went forward abstractedly.


It was 4 in the afternoon the next time I woke up.


I was dozing on the green bed sheet in my chaotic room. My consciouss was floating in the west sun orange colored room like a marine single-cell organism.


But the swelling in my eye in the subject was getting better, so when my consciouss was walking on the ceiling, it blankly decided to go to the International Cinema class in 3 hours.


I tottered out of my house and started the engine of my car under the recoginition that I really shouldn’t drive.


It took more time than usual to assure the car was driving straight, and brain perceived the view from the freewey at night differently. 


Artificial lights showed the shape of cities, houses and toads in the dark.


All the information exist to prove me right or wrong.


Would brains collect information in such a way?


I did a seemingly deep but valueless internal argument.


I safely arrived in the big theater style cinema class, watched a black and white French film with about 500 students and learned about young French people in history tried to experiment new ideas in cinema.


“You are like those women who sleep with many men but not with the one actually cares about you,” an frustrated French liar said to a woman he loves.


After I watched the whole thing, I wrote down my name and student ID on the attendance sheet and drove my car back home with careful handle control.


I realized that the reality and dream were getting mixed up, and the line between was slightly less distinguishable after I spent 2 days off the plans and stayed most of the time inside.


When I walked back into my white square room, I thought I could believe that the cinema classed happened in my dream if I tried really hard to believe so.


At end of day, regardless my thought and everything, I decided to go to sleep because I had to.


And on that Wednesday night, I somehow slept through a fall sweltering night caused by Santana.


On Thursday, I finally decided to focus on resting up and determindedly spent time in the real dream till noon like a worm. In the shallow comfortable dream, the information related to bicycles were processed.  


When I couldn’t sleep anymore, I woke up, checked the swlling in the right eye like a routine, opened books and text books and started writing an essay about Idiocracy.


My brain quickly and slightly victoriously took a side that Idiocracy was an accurate satire without hesitation.


On this day, the swelling on the eyelid kept gettin bigger and smaller as if it was effected by gravitational pull.


Orange heat with volume made by a seasonal climate phenomenon slowly wobbled curtains when I went to the kitchen to get some food.


I ate cold fruits from the fridge, made a cup of coffee and consciously drunk water.


I got back in my room, focused on the Idiocracy essay, finished in about 4 hours, and concentrated on things I could do without internet because internet was down. That concentration was really calm feeling.


I felt like I and my room started proportionally getting messy though, thought it wasn’t that bad to stay inside the house 3 days in a raw. There seemed like a new routine being born for staying in. I could even perceive myself trying to be active and outgoing as me from a long time ago.


That night, the swelling on the right eyelid modestly became small, so small that other people probably couldn’t tell. 


Right eyelid was slightly more pink compared to the left, and light weighted strange feeling remained lower right of my eyelid as if that part was nailed in the past.


Would tomorrow go as planned? I wondered in the November sweltering night.


As a practical matter, I cannot keep going like this for ever and a day.


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